how old are you? where were you born? when was the first time you tasted chocolate? why don't you call your mother anymore? is god's vagina omniaquiferous? how much native american blood is metaphorically dripping from your ancestral lineage? boxers or karates? do you drink here on a regular basis? what are the largest breast you have seen? not in a magazine or television? the largest you ever touched? had in your mouth? biggest penis? held? inside of you? how much money do you have in your bank account right now? how much do you get paid an hour? how much is an hour worth to you? how much are you worth for an hour? why did god make you exactly the way you are? couldn't have she put a bit less fragility? or is that precarious precipice precisely the point? why do my feet sweat? how hairy will i ultimately become? did someone die the exact moment i was born? what is your problem? seriously? did somebody fart? how the fuck do i get into them jeans? what is the longest you have ever gone without showering? doing your laundry? sleeping? eating? having sex? getting off? masturbating? talking? why are some people so fucking annoying? and how many people think that of you? are you sappy? are you happy? are you nappy? are you straight? has anybody ever asked you that point blank? have you ever had jury duty? made the jury? convicted someone? lied under oath? had a dream you were flying? fucking? had a dream where someone you loved hurt you? or you hurt someone you loved? why is talent so hot? or lava for that matter? have you ever measured the depth of your vagina? would you be surprised if i had measured my penis or not measured it? how well do you know me? what is the last good book you read? have you ever broken someone's heart? had your heart broken? felt good about dumping someone? wanted to kill yourself? felt an utter emptiness so hollow that null void emptiness immobilized you with its black hole gravitational pull? a complete ecstatic joy that leaves you giddy, smiling, almost to the point of shivers? have you ever given a blow job in a taxi? in public? had sex on your parent's bed? your bosses desk? your significant other's anal cavity? a church? have you ever begged for money? strippersized? watched a full tae bo infomercial? bought something from an infomertial? have you ever written a book? a screenplay? a blog? how many questions does it take do get to know someone? to get to sleep with someone? to find out something new? something interesting? something dirty? how much does peace cost? war? why don't you just stop? really? you're just going to keep at it? just like that? where's your g spot? where's your tickle spot? where's your favorite part to be carressed? when did you first kiss someone? taste a strawberry? lick a testicle? steal money? pray? actually learn something new? why does my face look funny when i come? why does skin feel so fucking good? who's your daddy? when will it end? how? can you tell me? can you? what is your record for most consecutive questions?

stop being so nosy, you stupid fuck.

what is it about fucking a girl doggie style that makes me feel like such a man? to hear her moaning, her breaths getting shorter, and then that magical spine shiver as she lets out a yell, why does that make me feel so good. as good as the orgasm. i get up, and take off my condom, throw it in the trash, look at myself in the mirror and i can't help but smile.

sex, the funniest act ever, still holds up as one of the most fufilling. will it ever get old?

i hope not. cause even when im tired or in a bad mood, once sergio (my dick's name) pops up, and i get to pumpin', let the good times roll. spilling seed never felt this good.

let's start this off right. if you were not present at bowery ballroom on wednesday april 5th 2006, then you missed the show of the fucking season. Went to get rocked by Art Brut, and got suckerpunched by Gil Mantera's Party Dream, who just threw down such a quality show, even with two technical difficulties intermissions where gil just ad libbed some hilarious stand up. and then art brut, unbelievably, took it to the next level, just playing so tight and with such disaffected british style.

but not so fast. cause on thursday april 6th, sondra lerche (pronounced lerk to my surprise) jammed out for over 2 hours. they started with some old stuff, then played their entire new album, which they are about to record, then encored five songs, including an impromtu norwegian children's song about hawaii. what a fucking show. what a fucking double nighter. i heart ny, bitches. you don't get that kind of action anywhere else.

anyways, i had a post in mind.

i'm psychic. well, okay not psychic, but just... highly intuitive. don't get it? let me break it down, and in so doing, i also tie into some of the themes of previous posts.

it all comes back to chess, and i will illuminate it with remembrances from my past that help me remember (see prev. posts). Jenna was going to jersey the next day. we were at my place, and after a terrific diner, as we laid post coitaly lounging on my comfy bed, she randomly asked if the 1 9 stopped at 23rd. Do you see it? I answered, to her amazement, yeah, but you can just take the express to fourteenth and catch the path train there.

and now, for the real memeory that spurred this post, think of yourself in a large college class. one of those 150 person literature surveys in a tiered classroom. not usually allot of discussion, Prof. Pfister liked to lecture. but sometimes he threw in a question or two to put us on our toes. we were discussing some 1800's ground breaking woman writer who is now forgotten (by academia on the most part, and by me right now), when he disgustingly said, "and some critic said that she reminded him of zola. now why is that funny?" 150 supposedly highly selected college students sat stunned, silent. i trepidaciously spoke up, "when did zola come out." Pfister, a cherub smile on his foppy face let out, "exactly, dustin! exactly. when did zola come out? after ______ (whatever her name was) died." these moments, ah, these moments. this is what i live for. to speak intelligently in front of a crowd, why does it feel so good? if a comedian brings down the forest with some killer jokes, but no human hears him, was he funny? its so warm, feeling the recognition in the air, no one says anything, but they all feel you a bit differently now. the same thing happens when i say something witty. the beauty of the well turned word. with a receptive audience to polish it off.

but back to business. how do i figure things out like that? as i said, chess. you make a move, then your opponent does. then you do, then she does. you have an aim, you're trying to pull something off. but at the same time, you have to check out what she's doing to make sure you protect yourself. so every move is key, evey move is a hint towards their intention. so, you analyze, realize, and retaliate accoringly. just make sure you are attentive to all the information, and then let the intention show itself.

why would jenna ask about the 23rd street station? oh, wait, she's going to jersey... of course, the path trains.

why would Pfister be disgusted by this critic? what would really be funny about this? if it were totally wrong... so what would make him obviously wrong? aha. if zola came out after.

when i pull it off, and add the equation, there's nothing like it. one day i'll do it in front of you, and you'll see. you'll see.

i don't like religion. too much bullshit has gone down on its name. and god, well, she doesn't really make that much scientific sense.

(but let me tell you a parenthetcial secret, i pray at weird times. on airplanes. i get on and im like, yo, god, could you just keep this one in the air? or when i can't find some very necesary item, i say, please jesus let me find this fucking missing tape for work.yes. sometimes i say jesus, even though im not really christian, or jewish, though i have rights to both. but it's just easy to say)

i might try to switch all this to zeus and the like. that was a pantheon i could understand. their anthropomorphic concupiscence (hah, been waiting a while to drop that one), the backstabbing, the nepotism...

im not really going anywhere with this really, im just saying, them greeks sure were right about alot of stuff, why not thundergods, horny as hell, i mean, hades' domain.

sometimes i wonder what it is about beauty that has all of us up in a tizzle. yeah, okay, beautiful things are attractive, but why?

why would i rather hang out with an attractive person and not an ugly person if i had a choice?

what makes someone beautiful?

of course, we could automatically go to that cliched place where "everyone is beautiful, at least on the inside," but that's not what i'm talking about here. strictly on the outside, what makes nice bone structure, good skin, great hair, interesting eyes and eye color more engaging than a bony nose, or owlish eyes and a crooked smile.

if we focus stricly on weight, then maybe we could say that darwinianly, we search for mates that physically seem like better breeders, but where does science fall on a gorgeous smile, or those victoria secret model pouty lips?

i've been under this dictatorship of beauty all my life, and i can't seem to break it down. this ellusive attractiveness... the x factor that makes angelina jolie and pam anderson household names... why?

i ponder this now for positive reasons, waking up next to my amazingly cute girl friend gives me the wonderful fuzzy feeling that no matter how shitty the world can be, and how much monday morning will drag my spirit to the gutter, right now everything shines with the special warmth of love. i stare into her beautiful face and it blankets me with happiness. (okay, there is the relationship behind that as well, but just looking at her makes me happy, and i doubt the coupledom would have come had either of us found each other ugly).

but falling under beauty's spell has negative side effects. there's a few relationships that might have been great, but i could not get past the skin's depth. there have been idiots that i tried to suck up to, who i would never have given half a chance if not for their attractiveness...

how funny this world can be. we are all striving to be something we can't explain.